just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
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