I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize