weddingsv make me drug and hornr
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So there we are, fucking beneath the Christmas tree and I glance up and see one of the local Jehovah's witnesses staring in horror through the decorative glass in the front door. I'm so proud of us.
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