please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
