Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
Randomize
