that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
Randomize
