I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
So I'm trying to figure out how to talk my boss into allowing pajama day once a week. Any ideas?
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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