conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
You just said you hate yourself then sent me a picture of your friend's penis. Clearly this is a night of honesty.
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
Randomize
