I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Yeah that stuff was rough. We insisted on wearing our bikinis all down college ave, and at several parties that were not beach themed
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Randomize
