I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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