you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
Randomize
