I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Did you like my voicemail? Sounded like I was being murdered, right?
By a pack of ravenous dildos
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Randomize
