I made my friend ***** cry when I wouldn't let her call u for an orgy at 3am...I didn't think you'd be to happy being woke up
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
Saw a sign earlier "Domino's Lava Cakes $3.00" and I thought of you. This text brought to you by thing I don't need to know about your sex life.
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I've never said "lesbians" so many times in a short response answer
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
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