so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
