hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
Swine flu is the new snow day.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
In other news, I just sneezed and almost shit myself. What is happening to my life??
Randomize
