ron's 8" boning knife is for sale. oh and it comes with a flavor injector.
High?
hahahahaha turkey breast
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Randomize
