DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm considering having a threesome with my friend just so I can sleep with his boyfriend and not feel guilty about it.
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
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