WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
Hes screaming about Slender man. whatever hes on is probably not healthy.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
Randomize
