i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
