i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
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