I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Let's get the cat blown out
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
