No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
I feel like I have two modes: Super fuckin high, or super giddy from caffeine. I have learned to accept this.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
