After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I say we go and bring jello shots with laxatives. 57% sure one of his toilets is broken
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
Just got caught by my boss looking at porn on the work computer & he decided to utilize this time to look with me. Not sure if this is good or bad.
Randomize
