Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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