I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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