I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
Randomize
