Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
Just found a ramen cup in the stall and all of the showers running with no one in them. WHERE ARE YOU?
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
false alarm, still single
Randomize
