And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
