Dude, she knew her leg was on fire and she kept dancing. Bad-fucking-ass.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Randomize
