I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I know that whole thing was awkward. Not worth the piece of cake.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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