He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
