I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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