i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
well tonys high enough to be moving from spot to spot around the kitchen shooting tortellini into a boiling pot and yelling "KING JAMES" whether he makes or misses it.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
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