Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Randomize
