She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
went to library to start paper due tomorrow & took those orange addys u gave. now realizing they were ur xanax. completely fucked and going to fail, but calmly at peace with the situation.
i bought a pregnancy test with dimes. Is that trashy?
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Randomize
