I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
Randomize
