My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Our conversation concluded a weekly schedule of casual sex in between classes.
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
Randomize
