HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
