i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
this celing is unfamiliar to me... im just vaguely wondering where i am. but not quite concerned enough to do anything about it.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
We were escorted through the guys dorm by 5 kids with nerf guns and zelda shields. I felt like the president with a fucked up secret service squad.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
Randomize
