why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
