i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I may or may not go. send a pic of a nipple so I know how much fun you're having
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
Randomize
