You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
He said that if more girls show up hes not going to ask ages... Spoken like a true sex offender
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
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