I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
if a CSI technician examined our hotel room with a black light he'd think we hit the Pulse button a DNA blender without a lid
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
whatever, tonight I’ll be getting my ass eaten by an aussie so we good
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