I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
Randomize
