i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I'm sorry I kept calling last night when you wouldn't pick up. I'm REALLY sorry I sang "You Oughta Know" on more than 4 voice mails.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
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