meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
I'm alittle affraid you might be dead, seeing how your work party is in an hour and you haven't answered me? I mean I'm picturing you 1. Passed out in your car covered in fries or 2. On a boat in a box to Mexico covered in coke. Please let it be number 1. And aren't we going to your work party?
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
Randomize
