so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
Found the puke drawer
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
