It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
i'm smoking hookah in a kayak. how did this happen.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
if anyone breaks out the olive oil & slip n slide, text me 911.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
