the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
No big deal, we were just two friends having sex. It's perfectly normal we don't remember. Water under the sex bridge,
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
my mom tells me this morning that i was blasting teach me how to dougie at 2 am last night and refused to leave her room until she dougied with me
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