okay pat passed out under dana's car
I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Maybe she'll change her mind but the "go fuck yourself" doesn't seem promising
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
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