I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
