I'm pants shitting drunk right now
He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Well I don't know him that well so I don't think I can give advice. You should make him a cake. Or have sex with him.
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
