she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Would "deck the halls with penises " be an appropriate event title? I know peni is the plural but flow of the tongue as well
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had nothing but condoms at the checkout, then grabbed a pack of Orbitz gum and said "gotta protect from bad breath" felt like a boss
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
Randomize