i woke up this morning in my bathroom,naked, with my boxers around my face and puke and shit on the floor and wondering why i didn't have a toenail on my one big toe.
compared to you, a hobo is quite responsible.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Yeah. she rolled up to the party on a unicycle then peed in the bushes. TA of the year.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Can you masturbate to someone liking your instagram picture?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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