Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
we got sick of 7 11 doubles so we made up a game where you just drink when anyone rolls a 5
thats barely a game just flip a coin
should we drink on heads or tails?
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Randomize
