he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
My week is over as of 8pm tonight, and I'm herpes free...Let's rage
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
