I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Randomize
