guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
My greatest achievement in life thus far is being the go to friend when you have questions about butt plugs.
Here's a concept though: eating pasta while getting laid
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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