Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize