wrigley field is MILF paradise
for on dont try to tell me you love me after three weeks of talking, for two if you are going to do that stay away from the song lyrics to a very good country song that you happened to ruin by using it, and for three erase my number im fuckin your sister now
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My vagina just clenched in fear
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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