my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
Is there a nice, calm way of telling your friend/housemate/former lover/person who does not reciprocate your feelings that your period is late?
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
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