Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
NO. FUCK YOU. I HOPE SOMEONE REPLACES YOUR LUBE WITH HOT SAUCE.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
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