it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Randomize
