I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize