So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
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