she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
the spit in my mouth is still 99% not mine.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
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